iris independent

Okay, so I lied. There are no pandas here.

Boy Watch! just didn’t have the same ring to it.

So, remember the Yankees boy? The one I liked after our Yankees game date… but then decided that he called too much?

Well, the story never really ended with him. Until last Friday night.

I declare this “relationship” o-v-e-r.

We’ve been playing this silly little game where one of us initiates communication, the other one follows up within a short time frame and we go on a date. Then… nothing. We’re both so over it for 2 or 3 weeks. Then it starts up again.

It was two-sided. I’d do it one time, he’d do it the next.

The gist is that we don’t really like each other. However.

I will admit to a lil’ bump and grind action. The potential of more is what kept this crazy wheel turning.

Serious: The best part? It’s been SO NICE to realize that I can be a normal adult and date people in a normal way. Meaning that I’m usually a chronic long-termer. With the exception of 3 or 4 months, until last February, I’d spent the last 9 years in a long-term relationship. With two different people, granted, but “dating” has been associated with a prereq of “hot and heavy” “must see you now” feelings.

So refreshing to NOT have to feel that way and to have an occasional male presence in my life.

Until last Friday. As I was saying…

He spent the night for the first time.

Waking up next to him? Haaaaated it.

So, it’s 7:45 am. I make a pact with myself that if he isn’t out by 8, I’ll text the roomie to give her the warning … and then I’ll start doing annoying things to force him to leave.

Whyyyyyy are you still here???? is what I keep asking myself, as I stare at the clock and curse my decision-making skills. Sure, we did leave the bar at 4 am. Sure, we have only been actually sleeping for a couple of hours. But, still. This is no place for you to get your beauty rest, my friend. Up and out with you!

So, I put a plan into action to get him out of my apartment. Stat. One that I think could be replicated, if you’re interested.

1. First, work the room temperature.

It was ungodly hot in my bedroom because, though it’s been  50-60 degrees consistently in New York, my perpetually-open window was closed. A decision made by him earlier in the night. Ironic, no?

I just let the window remain closed and as the sun was rising, so was the stifling heat in my bedroom. It’s uncomfortable, man friend, isn’t it?

2. One pillow on the bed. And it’s for me.

I may or may not have offered him a decorative pillow to use. Hey! The multiple other REAL pillows were on the floor right next to you! You totally could have taken one! No one was stopping you!

3. Pillow-defense

When man-friend attempts to ALSO use the pillow I’m using in an attempt to be cuddly, “accidently” do a partial pillow-fold. Oh! Did that disturb you? Sorry.

4. The “Oh, I’m Just So Busy”

To accomplish my goal in the ambitious timeframe I’d set, I had to up the annoying factor at the last minute. At 7:55, I propped myself up by the elbows and starting playing with my cell phone.

Volume on.

Beep. Click. Beep.

When he opened his eyes to ask the inevitable, “What are you doing?” I replied,

“Answering e-mails.”

“So early?”

“Yep.”

The result? He made some random small talk, then got up to leave.

Successsss!

My conclusion? I really, really don’t like him and really, really don’t want to do any part of this again.

Ov-a.