Superlatives in the Subway
Posted by i.i. on November 11th, 2009 . Filed under: UES, schizo in the subway .From Bad…
(Random Homeless Men)
1. I’m standing on the overpacked 4, on my way home from work. I get a meek tap on my shoulder and turn around to see a short, toothless man I hadn’t noticed before.
“Do you … want to go somewhere?”
I give him an eyebrows-arched-in-repulsion “No.”
He shrugs as if to say ”Understandable, but just thought I’d ask” and I turn around.
The random thing is that there isn’t really place for anyone to move anywhere. So we just ride on.
2. Julia is walking down the platform to catch a train. She notices a man trotting behind her, gaining speed, shouting “Miss! Miss!” She steps on the train, but decides to turn around, thinking she perhaps dropped something.
As the door closes, the man - arm outstretched - gasps,
“Will you go out with me?”
To Worse.
(It doesn’t ruin your day, but it comes damn close.)
1. “Signal Delays” “Sick passengers on 105th Street” “Traffic”
The above are all excuses for slow, slow trains. My usual 45-50 minute ride on the L took an hour and a half yesterday. The F train, later that evening, took a full 15 minutes to get from 59th street to 57th street, at which point I decided it’d just be faster to get out and take a cab.
2. Interesting fashion. Last week, a woman stepped on wearing a lace long-sleeved, mock turtleneck. Only the lace part was see-through and the girl wasn’t wearing a bra.
3. People who smell. The odor doesn’t always vacate the train with the passenger to whom it belongs.
As Bad As It Can Possibly Get
(AKA: The Worst)
Pants down and…
1. Pooping
2. Masturbating
Yes. Both have been witnessed by trusted sources.
November 11th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
…and this is exactly why I drive the five miles to/from work every day.
November 14th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
I can’t wait!!!